A quitter

最近、すっかり春らしくなってきました。
２週間前のすっごく暖かい週末はいきなり蕾が破裂するように花が咲き始めた感じ。
ついでに花粉が多くて困りますが・・・。杉・・・。

春で気分一転、３月一杯で仕事を辞めました。
前の派遣のヤツと合わせると丁度一年程度で、”又辞めた”ってレッテル張られても仕方ないんですが・・・。
ま、私なりの色々なこともある訳です。

東京の職場まで１時間電車に乗って行くので、電車の中でいろいろ体験しました。

いい年のおじさんなのに、目をむいて空いてる席まで暴走したり、いけない内容の雑誌を普通に読んでたり、お酒とおつまみレディで電車に乗って、時には携帯で野球見ながら飲んだり・・・。　たぶん、私の乗っている電車は特にこういう人が多いんだろうけど、見ていて気分が悪くなる。一年経った今でも、見ず知らずの人とあんなに密着して乗る電車は最低。それだからか、スカートが短い今時の格好の高校生がお年寄りに席を譲ってあげるのをみて、ヤケに感動しちゃったり。

仕事に関しては環境系のコンサルなので、飛びついた仕事だったんだけど、やっぱり基本は利益追求。環境を守ろう！よりもまずはそこ・・・。この社会で生きるからには当たり前だけど、分かってなかった。jica関連のお仕事をしている時はかなり、興味あったし、楽しかったけど、それ以外はなかなか楽しさも見つけられなくって。単純作業も多かったから、睡魔との戦いもかなり辛かったり。

そんなこんなで、ある日、ふと、ず～っと社内にいて、太陽に当たらない生活っていいのかなあ？と思って辞めることにしました。東京は空気が汚いから、息をしないようにしてた。東京に来る前は、深呼吸をしたくなるような山とか、川とか何処に出もあったのに。

でも、”働くこと”って事はかなり学ばされました。普通の事が出来ることがいかに大事か、日本語がきちんと出来てないと仕事にならないとか。理解するってどういうことか、などなど。

28になるって言うのに新入社員並みのレベルなのかも・・・って恥ずかしくなる様なことばっかり。
でもここからどうするかは私次第。
よ～く、考えようと思います。

An earthy word by carlson 52'

“Mankind has gone very far into an artificial world of his own creation. He has sought to insulate himself, in his cities of steel and concrete, from the realities of earth and water and the growing seed.
Intoxicated with a sense of his own power, he seems to be going farther and farther into more experiments for the destruction of himself and his world.”

マイ陶芸

編込んだ鉢とスプーンと、

さやいんげんです！

Keep on Walkin

I had a choice.
I could leave the runway and let my inner model die.
Or
I could pick myself up, flaws and all, and finish.
And thats just what I did.
When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking.

えんぶり

http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%81%88%E3%82%93%E3%81%B6%E3%82%8A

八戸の病院のついでに、というかこの日のために予約を入れてえんぶりを見てきました。


えんぶりは・・・地元の人にはあまり興味のあるものでもないらしく、私にとっての仙台の七夕のようなものね。このえんぶりは３０くらいある組それぞれで商店街のお店を一軒ずつ廻って舞を踊るんだけど、一つ一つ物語りや掛け声が違うから楽しい。衣装も柄がかなりこっていて、お化粧まで・・・。本格的です。何が凄いって小学生の子供があの踊りをやるんだから。圧巻の一言です。一日中組の跡をつけるように踊りを見ていました。きっとそんなことするのは保護者か私だけだと思う。でも本当に楽しかった。しかもラッキーな事に居酒屋行ったらそこでも眼のまん前でやってくれたので、かなり上機嫌でした。

それと、八戸の地酒屋で始めて酒林をみた。こういうのって、ず～っと受け継いで欲しい伝統文化.

八戸の雪はミシガンと同じで軽くって歩きやすくって大好き。ツーんと寒いからか空気も断然美味しい。北だからと完全防備で（ミシガン制服）でいったけど、そこまで寒くもなく、実は東京に帰ったときのほうが微妙に寒かった感じがした。

Pottery Work: Lesson I

So it’s been a few months since I started to get my hands dirty and be arty.
I was fantasized to make lamp shade out of clay one day.
Since the teacher is so easy going, he let me make one (which he had no clue what it is)

Here it came out as the foto below.

Looks wonderful, I like the pear shape.
The top plate does not fit perfectly but who cares.
But it totally did not function as a lamp shade.

Here are the problems
One: How do I put the candle for the first place from this? The top hole in the center has to be bigger, closed-shape may not be a good idea for the lamp shade.
→It might be good to make a big plate underneath and make the top separately to cover the plate.

Two: the candle needs oxygen to keep the fire lit, so better make more holes for the air circulation.
→In fact, it does look lovely when there are more holes when it reflects against the wall.


Oh my.
Long way to go? Half the battle?!

あ、 ハッピー ニュー イヤー。

日本の風邪の免疫がないのか、久々に風邪を引き、寝正月に。っていうか、クリスマス後、一日しか出勤できず・・・。今年は本当に新年って気がしないけど、まあ、頑張ろう。

出勤初日、すでに嫌な事が。帰りに電車で立ってたら、横に可愛い高校生が。でも、可愛いし、お化粧してるし、スカート短いし、ギャルか（って今そういうのいるのか!?）？とか思ってたら、彼女の前の席が空いて、でも座らないの。私座っちゃうよ、とか思ってたら、遠くのおばさんに「ここどうぞって。」

で、熊谷着いて、また熊谷カップルみたいなのがいたから“ださいな、品もない熊谷”とか思ってたら、お財布からお金が落っこちて・・・。そのカップルが真っ先に拾って、「はいっ！」てくれた。もしや奪う気じゃと思っていた自分に本当に落胆した。私の性格悪すぎ。

Hallelujah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=dvIo2g0wgg0

Now, I've heard there was a secret chord

That David played, and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall, the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to a kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain

I don’t even know the name

But if I did, well really, what’s it to you?

There’s a blaze of light in every word

It doesn’t matter which are heard

The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn’t much

I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch

I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you

And even though it all went wrong

I’ll stand before the lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

Hallelujah – Leonard Cohen (from Leonard Cohen Live in Concert)

I've heard there was a special code

that David played, and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care about music, Do ya?

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

The minor Fall, The major lift,

The baffled king composing, halleujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty in the moonlight over threw you

She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne

she cut your hair and from your she drew a halleujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Baby I've been here before

I know this room, I walked this floor

I used to live alone here before I knew ya

Yeah and I've seen your flag on the marble arch

But listen love; love is not some kind of victory march

No it's a cold and it's a very broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know

What's really going on below

Ah but now you never show it to me, do ya?

Well but I remember, yeah, when I moved in you

And the holy dove; she was moving too

Yes and every single breath that we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above

As for me; all I ever seem to learn from love

Is how to shoot at someone who out-drew ya

Yeah, but it's not a complaint that you hear tonight

It's not the laughter of someone who claims to have seen the light

No, it's a cold and it's a very lonely Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much

I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch

I've told the truth; I didn't come all this way to fool ya

Yeah and even though it all went wrong

I'll stand right here before the lord of song

with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah…

Low down

So, I am no happy with my current job.

Fundamental things that I look for my job are just two simple things.
1: The job it self meets my moral
2: The people at the work who gives my some influence

I listed things basically what I sacrifice(from my point of view, hey its my blog I have an authority to write whatever I think)
1:I commute quite a long way, takes two hours to get work, by all mean, fours loss in my life
2: In addition, I dislike saitama people (middle age guys so called oyaji) on the train to be with
3: I think people in my office are very nice but they are too busy to get to know. I hardly know them
4:Sometimes there are tedious job menials jobs makes me fall asleep. I even served tea eventually.
5: when it is like that, I think of my temporally job which I got paied way better, it was the sacrifice, though the job was real shit.

THE Turning point

“Grow up means that you see a real world in front of you.

Not compromise yourself and learn to be patient.”

There will be zillions of compromise required to be with this guy,

If he really knows what he told me,

maybe it’s worth loose what I have than what I get from him…

Or should I follow through….

So many difficult choices in your life.

And more important and real choice I need to make is…..

Kobe beef bawl or hinai chicken bowl for my lunch.

今日のポーラちゃん

☆Polar and her BF, Peace☆

Quote "Before the Sunset"

But the reality of it is that the
true work of improving things


is in the little achievements
of the day.


And that's what you need to enjoy,
just take my field.


What, what do you mean, exactly?



Well, for example, I was working
for this organization that helped


villages in Mexico.


And their concerns was
how to get the pencils



sent to the kid in these
little country schools.


I was not about big
revolutionary ideas,


it was about pencils!


I see the people that do the real work


and what's really said,
in a way, is that...


the people that are
the most giving, hard working


and capable of making this world better,


usually don't have the ego
and ambition to be a leader.


They don't see the interest
in superficial rewards,



they don't care if their name
ever appear in the press,


they actually enjoy the process
of helping others,


they're in the moment!


Yeah, but that's so hard!


You know, to be in the moment,


and I just feel like I'm...


designed to be slightly
dissatisfied with everything...

Politically correct?

　The hip sip in a zip!

I was chatting with my ex co-worker back in college, now the manager of beaners. He told me that they have changed the name since beaners is a slur…There’s a point when being “politically correct” goes too far and I just can not believe this locally owned coffee shop did it so…at the same time, It gave me wistful flush back, I thought my memosy at this coffee shop has been gone. I took my dog several times and chat with friends. When they went on 24 hours, I stayed there all night to see how it is like. Working on last minutes HW at beaners, you meet buddies who have the same problem. Made me feel I am not the only one. That was fun. I miss their apple cider, white bears that you can not find anywhere; it is the sweetest coffee ever that you can feel the adrenalin just rush through your body system right away. Though I am not capable of taking this extreme amount of sugar, but I don’t mind take a risk and try it again….


*****

Beanersというコーヒーショップが私の大学の回りにあちこちありました。Beanersはコーヒーの代名詞のように、というかコーヒーショップなんて言葉はあそこでは存在しない位Beanersという名が幅を利かしていた気がする。

同じ通りにあるスタバが値上げしても私たちビンボウ学生にず～っとリーズナブルでいてくれたり、フェアトレードのコーヒーも取り入れるフレンドリーなBeanersです。私のいたミシガンはとっても寒いので冬はよくここへ通って５．６時間とか平気で居座ってペーパー仕上げたし。中が人でいっぱいで座れない時は白い息を吐きながら外に座って友達と喋っていたときも。私は冬限定のアップルサイダー（りんごジュースを温めてシナモン、オレンジピール等でスパイスアップしたやつ）と、甘党のアメリカ人だからこそ作れるホワイトベアーが大好きでした。　

で、最近このBeanersという名前はヒスパニックの人たちにとっては差別的な表現になってしまうからとBiggbyに改名しました。どうなのだろう。なんか寂しい感じです。

"Quotation"

Today’s quote from Eternal sunshine

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.y

The second is from Nietsche's Beyond Good and Evil, Part VII: "Blessed are the forgetful: for they shall have done with their stupidities too."

A bear hug

Since I started work, I started to take a train.

It was a culture shock to me since I never be close to somebody I don’t know. Seriously, the station stuff literally squeezes people to pack the train. Somebody’s shoulder is just above my face. When the train shakes, you really don’t have to hold yourself coz you just can’t. There is no space to even step. This morning, it was worth. I made myself getting an empty seat, so I fall asleep right after I sat. Then, a guy in front of me suddenly dropped towards to me, and I’m sure I felt touching “it”. Ew….Even now that I am writing grosses me out.

This is the day I decided to get reserved special seat no matter how much it cost.